Post by Janpawelxxiii on May 23, 2019 1:14:02 GMT
[Casually dressed man runs in to studio. He looks very trustworthy, Oh Canada plays in the background]
Hi, Phil Swift here for Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ super tasty, sweet maple syrup that can instantly satisfy your need for sweet, golden, sexy liquid.
[Audience claps]
Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ is no oridinary syrup, it is high quality (up to 60 - 69!) and virtually welds itself to your tongue! Instantly satisfying even the most demanding pallet. It is so strong that it even mixes up with grape juice and makes wine.
[Audience woos]
It comes in barrels! [Camera shows barrels filled with lucious fluid, Phil picks up several times one barrel without effort] It weights 45 kg! And this is how I sell them! In barrels!
[Audience woos. Someone whisels]
Big hunger can cause A L O T O F D A M A G E. This is why I am open to negotiate price if you order in bulk! Every barrel costs 25 cc. There are only 90 of them so be… Swift!
[Someone vomits. Audience Claps. Phil goes to a kitchen. A lot of pans, pots]
You want to make wine? Buy my suryp! [Phil takes a sip from a cup and thorws it behind him]
You want to make pancackes? I’ve got you, boo! [Phil flips pancakes on frying pan, it doesn’t fall down]
You want to fill wooden tub with it and just rub it all over your mighty chest while old troll watches? [Phill walks next to a tub filled with syrup, dips his finger and licks it of then winks at the camera]
I don’t care and I don’t tell!
[Audience is dead silent. Someone says quietly „I’m not getting payed enough for this”]
To show you the power of Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ taste I sawed this cart in half! [Phil saws a cart in half] And repaired it only with the power of Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™
[Camera shows the Phil riding a cart through the desert. The cart leaves a long chain of sweet spots behind it] IIIhhhhyaaaaaa!
[Audience claps]
To show you how tu use maple syrup I asked my good friend Gordon to visit us!. Gordon come in!
[Gordon Ramsey stumbels into the kitchen, audience claps]
Hi Gordon! What are we cooking today?
Well Phil, today we will be doing a traditional British Fudge Sauce. [Audience woos] I will instruct you Phil so listen carefully!
Take some sugar and put it in pottery bowl, then add butter. Not so much Phil, what are you trying to get third heart attack? Sitr it, faster Phil, FASTER, PUT SOME f[pbleep]ing effort, Phil! Now, take some cream and and it to the mixture.
Can you use milki if you don’t have cream? [Phil stirs the mixture furiously]
No you f[bleep]ing donkey! You can’t use milk, it has to be cream. What the f[bleep]k is this question Phil?
Now take some chocolate and add it. [Phil spills some chocolate on the counter]. Oh for f[bleep]’s sake Phil. What do you have to tree trunks insted of hands Phil?
And now finally, good God what a train wreck this is, add some syrup, slowly, SLOWLY PHIL! CAN YOU HEAR ME PHIL? ANSWER ME, YES CHEF PHIL!!
[Phil adds syrup and shows the audience rich fudge sauce, Gordon is taken by the security]
Well, I didn’t forage but I did find a nut!
[Audience laughs. Someone faints in the distance. Phil looks directly at the camera, stops smiling, looks super serious. Philip Glass – Koyaanisqatsi starts to play.]
If you want to buy syrup contant Janpawelxiii on Liberty, he will cod you a barrel or arrange other way to deliver. Or write here. Personal deliverance only if you buy in bulk. Buy it. But it now.
You want this sugary goodness in your mouth. It tastes like Justin Trudeau’s sweat.
[Music rapidly stops, Phil starts to smile again]
And remember! Nothing is lube and anythig can be lube [Phil winks at the camera. Gunshot is heard. Curtains]
Hi, Phil Swift here for Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ super tasty, sweet maple syrup that can instantly satisfy your need for sweet, golden, sexy liquid.
[Audience claps]
Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ is no oridinary syrup, it is high quality (up to 60 - 69!) and virtually welds itself to your tongue! Instantly satisfying even the most demanding pallet. It is so strong that it even mixes up with grape juice and makes wine.
[Audience woos]
It comes in barrels! [Camera shows barrels filled with lucious fluid, Phil picks up several times one barrel without effort] It weights 45 kg! And this is how I sell them! In barrels!
[Audience woos. Someone whisels]
Big hunger can cause A L O T O F D A M A G E. This is why I am open to negotiate price if you order in bulk! Every barrel costs 25 cc. There are only 90 of them so be… Swift!
[Someone vomits. Audience Claps. Phil goes to a kitchen. A lot of pans, pots]
You want to make wine? Buy my suryp! [Phil takes a sip from a cup and thorws it behind him]
You want to make pancackes? I’ve got you, boo! [Phil flips pancakes on frying pan, it doesn’t fall down]
You want to fill wooden tub with it and just rub it all over your mighty chest while old troll watches? [Phill walks next to a tub filled with syrup, dips his finger and licks it of then winks at the camera]
I don’t care and I don’t tell!
[Audience is dead silent. Someone says quietly „I’m not getting payed enough for this”]
To show you the power of Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™ taste I sawed this cart in half! [Phil saws a cart in half] And repaired it only with the power of Rare Barrel Maple Syrup ™
[Camera shows the Phil riding a cart through the desert. The cart leaves a long chain of sweet spots behind it] IIIhhhhyaaaaaa!
[Audience claps]
To show you how tu use maple syrup I asked my good friend Gordon to visit us!. Gordon come in!
[Gordon Ramsey stumbels into the kitchen, audience claps]
Hi Gordon! What are we cooking today?
Well Phil, today we will be doing a traditional British Fudge Sauce. [Audience woos] I will instruct you Phil so listen carefully!
Take some sugar and put it in pottery bowl, then add butter. Not so much Phil, what are you trying to get third heart attack? Sitr it, faster Phil, FASTER, PUT SOME f[pbleep]ing effort, Phil! Now, take some cream and and it to the mixture.
Can you use milki if you don’t have cream? [Phil stirs the mixture furiously]
No you f[bleep]ing donkey! You can’t use milk, it has to be cream. What the f[bleep]k is this question Phil?
Now take some chocolate and add it. [Phil spills some chocolate on the counter]. Oh for f[bleep]’s sake Phil. What do you have to tree trunks insted of hands Phil?
And now finally, good God what a train wreck this is, add some syrup, slowly, SLOWLY PHIL! CAN YOU HEAR ME PHIL? ANSWER ME, YES CHEF PHIL!!
[Phil adds syrup and shows the audience rich fudge sauce, Gordon is taken by the security]
Well, I didn’t forage but I did find a nut!
[Audience laughs. Someone faints in the distance. Phil looks directly at the camera, stops smiling, looks super serious. Philip Glass – Koyaanisqatsi starts to play.]
If you want to buy syrup contant Janpawelxiii on Liberty, he will cod you a barrel or arrange other way to deliver. Or write here. Personal deliverance only if you buy in bulk. Buy it. But it now.
You want this sugary goodness in your mouth. It tastes like Justin Trudeau’s sweat.
[Music rapidly stops, Phil starts to smile again]
And remember! Nothing is lube and anythig can be lube [Phil winks at the camera. Gunshot is heard. Curtains]
